I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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