I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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