Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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