cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize