ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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