Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
