thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
