Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
