he shaved USA in his pubs
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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