Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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