you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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