that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
