My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I currently don't understand fingers.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
