Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
