I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
