i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
