I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
