dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Mom said you looked used
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
