wakey wakey hands off snakey
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize