The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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