..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
