I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
