I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
