I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize