you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Life is so much better after having sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
