I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
