i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
