Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
