I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
