I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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