Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
