I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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