last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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