That's when you crack a 10am beer
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
