the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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