Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
