I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
