I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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