i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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