I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
