One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
