That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize