My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
