ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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