Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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