Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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