So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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