my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
