Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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