ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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