i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
