i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
