once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
