Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
