Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
