omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
vagina is talking i cant
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
