I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
