she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
