Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
