I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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