My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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