I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
