I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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