:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
