things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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