I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
