Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
