so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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