I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She told me I should be a condom model.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're a waste of cheezeits
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
