Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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