so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
